


Unstained

by nilamarthiel



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: Author Clearly Working Through Difficult Shit, Coercive Behavior, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, F/M, Manipulative Behavior, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-08
Updated: 2006-12-08
Packaged: 2020-03-01 08:48:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18796987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nilamarthiel/pseuds/nilamarthiel
Summary: “I love the way the highway looks at night in the rain with your brights on. You grin as you run for shelter.”This short story I wrote back in 2006 contains concepts that some if not most readers may find to be disturbing. Please heed the tags and proceed with caution.





	Unstained

**Author's Note:**

> I found this old thing that I wrote in high school for a writing challenge my friends and I were doing. I was also working through some super difficult CSA/incest trauma feelings, so... this was the result.
> 
> This is largely unedited, but I did make a *little* bit of it sound less clunky and like a sixteen-year-old wrote it. But since a sixteen-year-old *did* write it... well. There’s only so much I can do for something I don’t plan to continue.

I love the way the highway looks at night in the rain with your brights on. You grin as you run for shelter. I follow closely, opening the car door as you slam yours shut.

“What a day to be late for the concert,” you say, shaking water out of your blue hair.

“I told you to get gas thirty kilometers back, Miki,” I grumble, folding my arms in front of me. I only pretend to be irritated, big brother, even if you can’t tell. I think about reassuring you when your smile wavers.

“Kozue…”

You’ve *always* been my weakness.

“Is your cell phone working?” I ask. I pull my shawl tighter around my shivering, bony shoulders. You keep telling me I’m too thin. I eat less, even if it’s an inconspicuous amount to your eye.

You check your phone. I sit patiently for the answer that I already know. 

“No,” you say, and you recline the seat back. You look so frustrated, my dear brother. I almost wish I hadn’t drained the phone battery.

I lean over the seat and gently brush my lips across your forehead. I’m sure you think it is a friendly gesture. A family kiss, perhaps, with no taboos attached.

I’ll let you think that for now.

“In all honesty, I wasn’t looking forward to it much, but still. Everyone paid so much for tickets and I can’t call to reschedule.”

“You’ve always thought of other people before yourself, big brother,” I say, keeping it sweet just for you. To appeal to what I love and need and crave about you. So pure. So… uncomplicated. Perfect in every way unlike the dirty, broken twin.

I want to be the one to stain you.

So many years have gone by since the duels and the Rose Bride and that girl (what was her name?), and so many people actually believe that I’ve changed since Junior High. That I’ve… gotten rid of my desires for my brother. You believe it, too. It’s the only reason you can stand to live with me in the elite housing at Ohtori University, I’m sure. We’ve gotten close, like when we were children, but I want more. So, so much more. To be as one perfect being.

I notice that your eyes are startled wide and staring at my hand, which is absently stroking over your chest. I stop immediately.

And then you grab my wrist, and bring my hand to your mouth. A chaste, innocent kiss presses itself to the back of my hand.

Oh, *god*, you’re playing with me. *Testing* me.

I discreetly pull my hand away, pet your hair a little, and set it on my lap.

“At least I’m not alone,” you say softly, that cherubic smile back in place.

You’re teasing me. You’re testing the waters, trying to see if I want to fuck you again. You know what “used to” push my buttons. You’re pure, but you aren’t stupid. I lovehatelove you for it.

“No, you’re not alone, big brother,” I reply just as softly. I try to smile as pleasantly as I can. Your smile widens, and my stomach flips and squirms around like I’ve swallowed a bird as I watch your shoulders lose the tension that they held.

I refuse to scare you off now. Not when everything is in place. I need to take it so, so slowly, Miki. I won’t lose you again to some undeserving girl.

*I* am your shining thing.

I’ll prove it tonight, big brother. I’m the only one who truly understands everything about you. We share almost everything, after all.

And soon, we will share truly everything.

If anyone is going to stain you – and eventually they will – it had better be me.

END.


End file.
